96 Words for Love by Rachel Roy & James Patterson

Author:Rachel Roy & James Patterson
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Publisher: Little, Brown and Company
Published: 2019-01-14T16:00:00+00:00

I peeked up out of the journal, ready to laugh with Anandi about what I’d just read. But she was engrossed in Daadee’s book of poetry, so I found myself contemplating the words on my own. I met the most impertinent man….

I smiled as I thought of Kiran at the ashram doorway, asking if we liked to chant.

And then I went back to the journal. Just one more entry, I promised myself.

June 30

My journal, you shouldn’t even believe what has occurred since last I wrote. The strangest things have been afoot. The man I wrote of—the man of impertinence, the man of rude skill, the man who drove me to lies and nearly broke our promises of chastity—has become of great importance in my life.

It is astonishing, I know.

What happened is this: the day after he nearly destroyed my first satsang, he came to apologize again. He meant no harm, he insisted. He merely enjoyed a strong and thorough discussion. He seemed sincere, and I could hardly begrudge him that point. I, too, enjoy satsang to be a time of deep and meaningful conversation. So I agreed to have dinner with him.

So we did. And then lunch the next day. And then breakfast the day after that. Before I even knew what was happening, we were taking every meal together.

Lately I find that I hardly want to be apart from him. We attend satsang together, frequently walk to morning prayers together, and occasionally he even joins me in my service. I have learned a great deal about him. He is from Varanasi, and he is studying to become a barrister. He is spending some time at the ashram in hopes that it will clear his focus and give him the spiritual strength necessary for his upcoming career, which is sure to be a taxing one.

I find myself wishing I could spend every waking moment with him, even though I know to wish for such a thing is wrong. I have a path here, one I have always dreamed of fulfilling. I cannot let my plans to become a guru be derailed by whatever I feel for this man.

I know I should cease spending so much time with him, but I find doing so nearly impossible. Whenever he meets my eyes across a room, I immediately feel as though I cannot look away. As though our eyes will remain locked together until I go to him.

I pray every morning to find the separation I need, but thus far I have not found the strength to cut him from my days.

Tomorrow I will simply pray harder.

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